WASHINGTON D.C.: A seminar with the theme title “Are Marriages made in Heaven” was conducted by Churcil in a continuing series at Washington D.C. on July 30 at the resident of Sardar and Sardarni SS Narula.
Over 40 post teenage and teenage college and high school students attended the seminar. The seminar was conducted by Professor Iqbal Singh of North Carolina University with Harshy Bains, a medical student at the Johns Hopkins University as the moderator.
The seminar covered several aspects of modern marriage with attendant joys and problems. The data indicated that the divorce rate in the western world was a whopping 72 percent over twenty five years span with 52 percent marriages dissolving in the first five years and nearly 65 percent marriages breaking up in a fifteen years period.
This phenomenon took place despite the fact that western men and women stayed together for
years before marriage to test their compatibility. The main reason for this was that the live in arrangement robbed the marriage of its intrinsic joy and expectations. Also love or passing affection or crush blinded one to the faults of the other partner which latter took a toll in the form of a nasty divorce.
In contradiction to the above only two percent of Sikh and Indian marriages were typical “counseled or assisted” marriages where parents, friends and relatives helped formalize the union. Participants disapproved the word “arranged” marriages which was a term coined by the British scholars last century. Lack of female financial independence, family sup Port and community expectations against divorce were some of the reasons for the low divorce rate. On a positive note Sikh families and friends helped the partners to ride through the nastiness of a troubled marriage.
‘The participants concluded that while individuals spent months and years of research, visits and meetings to find a college of their choice they barely consulted anyone in matters of selection of their life long partners. Proper and positive counseling or consultation with parents, relative and friends was likely to produce stabler and happier marriages.
The seminar concluded that the essential ingredients of a happy and long lasting marriage were : sharing, caring, giving in, absence of secrets, joint planning of financial matters, encouragement to the spouse, special regards and affection for the spouses parents and so on. One recently married couple advised, “for a successful and joyous marriage think as we, Us as against me and I.”
It was agreed that marriages based on traditional values and the concept of “Anand Karaj” were likely to be more stable and longer lasting. The participants also noted that Sikh marriage tradition rejected, “dowry”, caste and ritualism and treated the partners strictly as equals.
Article extracted from this publication >> August 11, 1989
