By Prof.Gobind Singh, M.A., Ph.D
Sikhs in Great Britain are faced with several problems and one of them is related to family and marriage relationships. The younger generation of Sikhs is particularly worried by a conflict between Western culture and Sikh values. Western morals and customs are based on enterprise culture individualism, while Sikh values emphasize family mindedness, voluntary service of the community and [none] selfishness. School and University students with their impressionable minds are easily swayed by flashy lifestyles, fashions and permissiveness of their peers. Moreover, Radio and TV media reinforce such unhealthy trends and seek to mould their outlook on life. This produces and inner conflict among Sikh youth who is right? The school or the family, which frequently leads to arguments with their elders and clashes with their parents.
It is necessary to consider such a situation with a cool head and a clear mind. Family is the basis of a Sikh’s life. The Gurus commend the householder way of living. A harmonious family environment is a spur to a person’s success and achievement, Sikhism regards marriage as a Sacrament as a union of two souls in one body, for the achievement of secular and spiritual goals, the traditional negotiation of a Sikh’s marriage is often criticized as an arranged marriage. | would however prefer to call it an assisted marriage, this sort of marriage takes into consideration the facts which count towards the success of the Sikh Marriage. Marriage concerns the interest and the future of the boy or the girl concerned, That is why the parents carefully look into all aspects of the marriage proposal, the age, education, features, economic standing, social position, religious beliefs, suitability and capacity of the boy or girl to fit into the enlarged family. Moreover, a boy or a girl studying in school or college in their teens, excited by passion or family may not be able to consider the pros and cons or the future implications of the proposed relationship.
Tis therefore helpful that the parents or close relations may consider the points and bring them to the notice of their wards, such scrutiny will ensure the stability and success of a marriage much more than an infatuation or charm leading to a hasty wedlock.
On the other hand, it is necessary that the boy and the girl intended for a matrimonial alliance should know cach other family well before making up their minds. Opportunities must be provided by their families as well as by the community to help prospective candidates for matrimony to meet under some sort of supervision in order to prevent a mishap. | would venture to comment the establishment of a sort of social club or Sikh matrimonial voluntary service to serve as a mould for providing facilities for socializing.
It is now customary among a large section of the Sikhs to invite a prospective young man to their home or to some function in the house of common friends or relations It would be ridiculous if a marriage proposal is finalized without an introductory meeting of the families and providing opportunity for the boy and the girl to meet and discuss personal matters. Perhaps a few meetings would be beneficial to create confidence and ensure stability of the proposed alliance; Sikhism forbids a marriage forced on the boy or the girl. In fact the consent of both parents to the marriage is necessary and the officiate or the priest has to seek the consent of both before proceeding with the marriage ceremony.
Sikhism totally disapproved of premarital sex, promiscuity, illicit sex and extra marital sex, Marriage is a sacred relationship to which the community and the Guru are witness. The so-called “falling in love” is not enough. What is needed is the good will of parent’s relatives and friends along with economic self sufficiency and love and respect of the community. “Dating” as understood in We stem society is taboo in Sikhism. Dating often leads to cohabitation and insecurity and a guilt feeling. Thus it ends in common-law relationships, where a small argument or quarrel may end up in divorce or possible a situation of a One parent family, with all its deprivation and isolation.
Mixed Marriages
According to Sikh Rahat Marayada a Sikh moral code, approved and circulated by the Shormani Gurdwara Parhimdhak Committee, Amritsar “both parties in marriage are expected to be amrithdhari (babtized) Sikhs. The Rahat nama of Bhai Champa Singh clearly states, “A Sikh should marry in a Sikh family.” However, an account of certain circumstances Sikh in foreign countries has married outside their religion. There are no rules or norms governing interfaith marriages. Many writers believed that such mixed marriages are not likely to move smoothly, Firstly, there is very little in Common among the couples in matters of belief of religious practice, the marriage bond cannot be strong and as such both husband and wife cannot feel secure or happy. They are likely to be pulled in different directions by their faith; loyalty sincerity and Trust cannot be maintained when their traditions and form of worship do not tally. This dichotomy may lead to arguments and ill feeling and may undermine the foundation of the marriage relationship. Many religions, including Sikhism insists that a groom belonging to one faith must insist his bride changing her religion to his own or vice versa. If the husband goes to a Gurdwara and the wife goes to a mosque for prayers [for example], they will not be able to lead an emotionally balanced life. And how long such a situation will last is anyone’s guess.
Secondly, an important result of a mixed marriage, apart from accommodation and ambivalence, is the raising of children. To which faith will the children be brought up? What will be the religion of children of a Sikh boy married to a Christian girl? They cannot be brought up as both religions. Psychologists agree that the parents must decide beforehand, in which faith the child will be brought up. Religion of the father or that of the mother. In fact, they should support the child in the religion they decide for him or her.
Maltreatment or battering of the child will rather complicate the problem. For this purposes a Sikh institution must take up child counseling in consultation with parents and devise means of support over a period of time these problems and many more unexpected situations can be avoided by sticking to the Sikh religious marriage the Anand Karaj. My warning to the younger generation is simple one “Look before you leap.”
Article extracted from this publication >> May 28, 1993
