For most American-immigrants, the United States is a golden opportunity: a promised land where they can achieve their dreams and obtain success where they can accomplish goals that they wouldn’t have dreamed possible in their native lands. These people who have made their way here look: at America with hopes of bettering their lives, they see the education and careers, the prosperity and gratification, and for some, particularly Eastern immigrants, they see with bitter contempt, the corruption and immorality of America, which they vow never to integrate their children into because it clashes so drastically with their own native culture and values. For such immigrants, it seems like the perfect image, a prosperous life of fulfillment along with the maintenance of traditional culture, values and ethics for their children. Yes, it seems like the perfect image for such people who make America their home, how- ever in actuality, this is all too often just an image An image which begins to fall apart as the children grow older. It is the parents, whose adamant ways and inflexibility creates a major barrier between the generations. The outcome of such a situation, is confusion for the young person trapped between two cultures, neither of which he or she is ultimately able to identify with.
As a Pakistani-American being brought up in the United States, life became next to survival under the roof of my exceedingly strict and un- compromising traditionally deep rooted parents. For as long as I can remember, life under these circum- stances, has been a confusing and frustrating experience, in which two vastly different cultures and life-styles have been thrown upon me. I speak not only of my personal experiences but represent an entire generation of young people of different back- grounds, facing a similar predicament. Immigrant parents especially those from Eastern nations who have close to nothing in common with Western society, naturally want their children to develop the same character, culture and frame of mind as they have. How- ever, living in the United States this parental expectation becomes a battle between the influence of Western society and traditional ethics. Growing up in America I go to high school, visit friends, watch TV., listen to music, read magazines become aware and learn about the society that I was born and am living in, and then each day I come home to my reprimanding parents who consistently lecture me on the evils of my country and their frequent reminders that this is not my culture and that I should never have a thing in common with the “typical American.” I understand the logic behind what they are trying to do, but they are blind to how unrealistic their expectations are. How can you expect to raise a child without any western integration, when they are living in the West? To compensate for the fact that America is a completely different world from their mother lands, immigrant parents make every attempt to shelter their children. What they do not understand is that the more rigid and over-protective they become, the further they distance their children from them. The ultimate consequence in such a situation is that the young person is trapped between two very distinguished ways of life, neither of which he/she is accepted or feels completely comfortable in.
There will always be faults and acceptances in both worlds though who will never be able to call one or the other his/her own and this is what results in a lot of confusion, frustration, and the making of an insecure identity Immigrant parents whose original culture and life-style clashes with that of western society must understand that their children will not and cannot be entirely like them. It is understandable that these parents believe that what they are doing is for theirs children’s b exceedingly over protective in an attempt to ward off “the evils of society” it is the child who suffers the most. Growing up, we all need to ourselves and live our lives. We want to be our parents’ friends, not rivals. We want to be able to turn to our parents when we have problems, not be afraid of their responses. Give us your morals and values, teach us right from wrong, guide us, but let us grow and learn from our experiences, as you did. (PA 8/25/95)
UN Conference on Women’s Rights
The United Nations Fourth World Conference on Women’s Rights will be held in Beijing in September. You have reported that the WSO was not included on the list of organizations recommended to the Commission on the Status of Women for accreditation to the Beijing Conference. However, the WSO may still attend the conference to represent the interest of Sikh women to all Non Governmental Organizations.
What a farce! Does WSO know what the interests of women are? Are they sending a woman? Why is it that they have never had a woman on their Executive since the time of their inception in 1995? Have they ever had a women’s committee? Why not?
My advice to Sikhs in general not just the WSO is not to worry about the fact that: “Few people have heard or understood the significance of Guru Nanak’s message of equality for all humanity regardless of sex, caste, race or religion.” They would be much wiser to stay at home and try to figure out why they themselves have not understood that message. Clean up your own act, before you go to preach to others. Liberate your own mothers, wives and daughters. The bottom line in the real world is that a religion is ultimately judged not by its teachings, but by the people who practice those teachings. Talk is cheap. Sikhs have to start living their religion. That is the difficult part. No society is more male oriented than the Sikhs. In spite of 500 years head start with Guru Nanak’s teaching, Sikh women are no better off than any other group. So please WSO, do us all a favor. Don’t go to Beijing. Beijing is not so much about what you say, but really, lets focus on what we are today and what we can do to improve that for tomorrow. Alice Basarke
Nepean, Ontario Canada.
Article extracted from this publication >> September 1, 1995
